I apologize for the incredibly unoriginal title. I also apologize for breaking my rule and bringing POSSIBLE ANGST into this blog. I have discovered that I'm not actually very good at writing about my non-angsty passions (theater and teaching, for those that can't be bothered to read the sidebar), so I might as well pull out the stops and talk about romance. Or, more specifically, dating.
It turns out I absolutely suck at dating. I didn't know that in college: hell, for my college I was actually pretty good. In a school where boys outnumbered girls 3 to 1, I managed to have perfectly charming and attractive girlfriends for approximately 3 out of 4 years, and a few less serious encounters well worth remembering as well.
My search for love since moving to New York City has been less successful. I did okay the first year - fell hard for a girl in grad school and actually convinced her to date me for a while, but she had emotional and personal issues well beyond the scope of my abilities to heal, which, while oddly attractive to me, also made the relationship impossible.
For about 6 months after that, I was pretty much uninterested in girls. I went on one disastrous date with a friend who clearly wanted to stay firmly in the friend zone, but otherwise nada. Then I went on a few dates with a cute girl who pursued ME on Facebook (yes, Facebook). Though that ended up going nowhere, it did convince me that perhaps there was something to online dating.
So I joined eHarmony.com.
1 Year (and 300+ dollars) later, I had gone on two eHarmony dates, despite something like 500 "perfect personality matches" or whatever the hell they promise. One of the dates was with a girl who was adorable but not my type, who I ended up making out with anyway because she got me drunk. One was with a girl who I actually liked a good bit (a singer!) who ended up getting back together with her boyfriend like three days later. Oops!
OKCupid.com was my next stop, with the advantage of being free. Plus, it's matching system runs on sexy, sexy math!. I like this site a lot, and still browse it with some regularity, but it hasn't been all that successful for me either. I've gone on dates with 3 or 4 girls I met on the site, but only one of them was even remotely successful, and she was enough of a long-term failure that someday she may rate an Angsty Post all her own. But that's it. No true love.
I'm starting to think that maybe the internet isn't the best place to find love. The problem is that I am a product of my generation and literally don't know where else to turn when the internet fails me! It's not like I have "guts" or "charm" or any of those other qualities necessary to pick up girls at bars. More importantly, it's not like I can successfully vet a girl (is she smart? Can she write proper English? Will she hate me for liking "Gossip Girl"?) in such a situation either.
Where does one find love, really? What Google search, if any, will bring her to my side? This man, for one, wants to know.
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David
First of all, you are not alone. I have lived in nyc my entire life and dating hasn't been easy since high school. I find that my main problem with New York is that there are almost too many ways to meet people, but never the right people to meet. I refuse to go to bars because I am not a bar going person so if I pretend to be one I'm starting things off on a note of dishonesty - NOT a good way to start.
I too have tried the internet dating thing, but the problem is that people completely misrepresent themselves. Everything from height, weight, educational background, and income are lied about and usually grossly exaggerated. PLUS the internet dating sites are businesses and their goal is to make money despite proclaiming that they're in it for the match making utopian wonder of it all.
I wish I had some amazing wisdom for you about the dating world, but I don't... I guess I wanted to just show some empathy early on a Saturday morning...
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